Bribes vs. Rewards
"If you can be a good listener and smile for pictures, I will buy you ice cream after family pictures!" is one of the most common pleas I hear, as a photographer, from parents to their children. From the youngest little toddler to the stubborn teenager, the parents (typically the mother) beg, plead, and promise the world in hopes that their children behave and cooperate. If I'm being completely honest, I would admit that I too have been guilty of trying to bribe my children a time or two to cooperate with me. So, when I came across the article written by Dr. Steven Dennis entitled, What's the Problem with Bribes? I realized I wasn't doing either my kids or myself any favors. Oh boy, buckle up!
Right off the bat, Dr. Dennis says, "Bribes don't effectively motivate children in the long run. They buy temporary compliance, but do little to change the heart or long-term interest in the enterprise for which the reward has been given."
The interesting thing is when I take my own family to a photo shoot, I don't use bribery as a way to meet a specific behavioral goal. I hadn't really thought of it until now. I think subconsciously it's because I have seen, firsthand, literally hundreds of bribes surrounding photos go south! I know they don't work and don't even give it a thought with my own family. Instead, before we meet the photographer, we have a small, informal family meeting. I explain to my kids the goals I have for the shoot, what personalities and images I would like to capture, the expectations I have of them to respect others and the photographer, and why the photoshoot is so important to me. I also go into the photoshoot with low expectations because I know the subjects well, ha! It has taken years to make progress on this type of photo shoot practice, but now that I take time to reflect, we have gotten much, much better! Usually, our family will go out for a small treat afterward because we are all dressed up, have time left in our schedule, and are all together. According to Dr. Dennis, this would be an example of a reward. He states, "It's important to understand that all rewards are not alike-and all rewards are not bribes. The nature, timing, and size of rewards can make a big difference."
Just because I reward my family after a photoshoot, doesn't mean I haven't given into the trap of bribing my children out of desperation to fulfill a temporary goal. I love how Dr. Dennis explains the differences between a bribe and a reward. He pulls in doctrine and scriptures to examine rewards, which I had never thought of before. He shares this thought-provoking idea, "It seems that even God uses rewards. Pay your tithing and the windows of heaven will open (see Malachi 3:10). Keep the commandments and you'll inherit eternal life (see D&C 14:7). Obey the Word of Wisdom and you'll find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge (see D&C 89-18-21)".
When rewards are natural and authentic, they are the most instructional and life lessons can take place. The same is true with punishments. Logic consequences, both positive and negative, can have lasting impressions on children's development and guide them in future situations. Rather than swaying our children to achieve temporary compliance through bribes, we should seek to influence their hearts to do good continually and independently. Dr. Steven Dennis gives five ideas to draw us nearer to that goal:
1. ALWAYS REDIRECT TO THE AUTHENTIC
+ Parents can dismiss and minimize worldly rewards and redirect children to authentic rewards.
2. NEVER ECLIPSE THE AUTHENTIC
+ The larger the reward- the more it feels like a payoff or bribe. Children are more likely to attribute their reason to the external reward instead of the authentic, internal reward. Small rewards can acknowledge the effort and show gratitude without eclipsing the authentic.
3. TIMING IS EVERYTHING
+ Rewards promised before action suggests manipulation. After-the-fact rewards can reinforce behavior and demonstrate gratitude.
4. AGE AND MATURITY IS A CONSIDERATION
+ External rewards may be temporarily appropriate for some young children and those lacking cognitive maturity to encourage the practice of behaviors that can help children develop skills and experience successes that in time can become self-reinforcing. Even so, taking the time to teach the authentic reasons for our actions should be highlighted.
+ The article entitled, What's the difference between rewards and bribes? gives a great breakdown of the difference between bribes and the goal and intent of reward use, especially with younger children. It reads, "In positive parenting terms, rewards can be good but bribes are almost always bad. Used well, a reward is a motivator that encourages desirable behaviour. It is a short-term strategy that helps to set up a new habit or behaviour. Rewards are quickly phased out and replaced by verbal recognition that makes a child feel good about themselves and intrinsically motivated to keep repeating that desirable behaviour."
5. THE BEST REWARDS AREN'T PHYSICAL/MATERIAL
+ Contrary to consumer thinking and materialism, it is important to consider rewarding children with your time, activities, or new expanding opportunities. This will teach children the value of relationships, opportunities, and doing rather than owning.
When I was creating this blog post, immediately the image of a brightly colored gift came to mind to represent a bribe. Something tangible, exciting, and short-lived can symbolize the effect of bribing a child. However, the heart, representing a natural and authentic reward suggests character, good intent, value, and significant influence on the heart. Having this small, simple picture in my thoughts, I can reflect daily on the approach I am taking with my own children. Is the reward natural? Authentic? What is the lasting impression it will have?
References
Dennis, Steven (n.d.). What's the Problem with Bribes? (Article) Brigham Young University-Idaho
Positive Parenting Project (2021). What's the difference between rewards and bribes? (online article)
Comments
Post a Comment